Damn, July was a beastly month. Dry as a bone. The river level dropped down to August level.
The rock in the river, which typically doesn’t show until August was visible for most of July.
Cormorant on the ‘rock’
And hot!! I can’t imagine Hades being hotter than some of the days in July.
Beastly hot.
I wish I looked this good. Sigh.
So, goodbye to July. (In case you haven’t noticed, that rhymes.)
Here is my little ode to a month from H – E – double hockey sticks.
Goodbye July I'd like to say I'll miss you But that would be a lie
Goodbye July You pushed me past the brink And drove me to indulge in alcoholic drinks
Goodbye July It's been a blast I'm thrilled to see that you are no in my past
Goodbye July May you fade from my brain And hopefully August will bring lots of rain
So there you have it. July sucked.
Wild fires, earthquakes, and all manner of discontent in the world. And here in my little corner of the Concord River I suffered through sweltering humidity that would have challenged a tropical rain forest, but without the rain.
The following post is unrelated to living on the Concord River, unless one assumes living on a river results in upsetting dreams.
No, I don’t think the river has anything to do with the dreams I had last night. My fractured psyche is too blame.
Indulge me, please.
In my dream I was sitting next to my sister, Dyan, whom I lost to ovarian cancer in 2019. It was her last day to be alive, which I hadn’t known then, but I knew it in my dream.
We were on her couch. And we just sat.
I longed to tell her things. I wanted to say that I was sorry for all the times I angered her. I also wanted to apologize for the times I had hurt her. And that I was grateful for all the times she rescued me when family dynamics loomed. And how sad I will be to lose her.
I longed to hold her and tell her of my love for her.
To beg her not to go.
And that I was sorry I couldn’t save her.
But the dream version of me remained mute, just as the living version had done six years ago. You see, I hadn’t said those words, hadn’t held her close.
I thought I had more time.
Then I woke, got up to pee, and went back to bed.
And entered the same dream again.
Same situation, same results.
Upon waking again I sighed then went back to sleep.
And entered the same dream yet again.
Over and over, until I gave up on sleeping and made myself a cup of tea. And cried.
It doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to figure out my dream. I get that, but I needed help so I entered my dream into an AI dream interpreter and this is what I got back:
This dream, with its recurring motif of your sister’s death and your inability to communicate, speaks volumes about unresolved grief and the enduring weight of unspoken words. The fact that it repeats – you wake and the cycle begins again – suggests a deeply entrenched emotional pattern, a loop in your subconscious that’s desperately seeking resolution. It’s not simply about missing her, though that’s certainly a part of it. It’s about the opportunity for connection that was repeatedly cut short, both in life and now in the dream. This isn’t necessarily about regret, but about the unfinished emotional business that lingers after a significant loss.
At 70, you’ve likely experienced a lifetime of losses, and the death of a sister often carries a unique weight – a shared history, a bond forged in childhood, a witness to your life’s journey. The dream isn’t necessarily saying you caused her death, but that you feel powerless to prevent it, even in the symbolic realm of dreams. This powerlessness may reflect feelings of helplessness you experienced during her illness or in the face of her eventual passing. The dream is highlighting the grief that remains, not as a linear process of sadness, but as a complex web of emotions – sorrow, guilt, longing, and perhaps even a touch of anger at the unfairness of it all.
The inability to speak, to convey what you needed to say, is particularly poignant. It suggests a fear of vulnerability, a hesitation to fully express your emotions, even now. Perhaps there were things you wished you’d said while she was alive, or perhaps there are feelings you’re still struggling to articulate. This dream is an invitation to confront those unspoken emotions, to give voice to the things that have remained trapped within you. It’s a call to honor her memory not by dwelling on the loss, but by acknowledging the full spectrum of your feelings and allowing yourself to grieve fully.
Dah!
So where does this leave me? How do I honor her memory and allow myself to grieve fully without all the baggage that comes with it?
Varmints. That’s what they are. Eating my tall phlox, chewing my zinnias … but I digress. Back to the rats.
At first I thought the rats were cute. There were only a couple and they were small. Yes, I know, small rats become big rats, and rats, like rabbits, breed like, well, rabbits.
In truth, I’ve owned rats. They make better pets than hamsters or gerbils. Believe it. Male rats are docile and trainable. Just check out the videos online of the many rat pets.
Rats are cool.
Except when they try to take over.
Then they are RATS!
Now, I’m not stating I have an infestation of rats. The number of chipmunks far out-number all the other critters on my property, the groundhog included.
However, a new turn of events has occurred. Yesterday, I watched a rat kill a chipmunk. When the screaming stopped (me and the chipmunk), the rat dragged away the still warm body. The chipmunk, not me.
Seriously. The rat held the chipmunk down and bit into its neck like some weird zombie rat.
ROUS from The Princess Bride
According to Google, rats will kill and eat all sorts of animals.
Natural predators: Rats are natural predators of mice and will actively hunt them.
Attacks on other pets: Rats have been known to attack pets like hamsters and birds.
Livestock: Rats can injure or kill baby pigs, lambs, and calves.
Birds: Rats will attack and kill birds, including domestic fowl and wild birds.
Gotta love the circle of life.
It would help to remember that the circle of life includes other animals too. Hawks and owls. And rats and chipmunks are part of this larger circle. WBUR https://www.wbur.org/news/2025/03/31/rat-poison-birds-massachusetts-pest-control posted a great article about this very topic and the use of poisons to control rodent populations.
Cooper’s Hawk
If you have varmints on your property, please consider humane trapping before you put out poison.
My sister’s birthday is today. On June 2, 1951 and the world and the sun shone brighter and the birds sang louder.
She was an amazing woman, but I’ve written that many time before.
Don’t get me wrong; man could she burn hot with a temper at times. Ouch!
But I loved her deeply; still do.
Here’s to you, my immortal beloved.
The past comes up to me and offers its hand Sway with me, it purrs Let us lose ourselves in the music of once upon a time Swoon and remember her smile
The past doesn't care that I'm not in the mood to dance It doesn't care if I would rather sit this one out The past softly whispers that this is our time Time to embrace the glow of the moon and the beat of our hearts
She may be gone in body But she is with me just the same My sister My immortal beloved
Well, I’d like to update my original thoughts about the Netvue Birdfy Camera system — it’s junk!!!
I have had to replace the camera two times! Which is two times too many for a $300 product. (Now, marked down to slightly over $200. Hmmm, maybe the company knows their product is junk.)
My system is the second from the left.
I’ve replaced the camera twice, as already mentioned (please pay attention). Sure the company was nice to send replacement cameras. They had me dispose of the original defective camera and sent a new camera, sans the feeder. When that camera malfunctioned, they instructed me to send back the camera, shipping label included the email stated (NOT!) and they would send another replacement. That was in March. To date I have not received the shipping label but they did send a whole system, feeder included. I’m still waiting for the return label so that I can return the defective camera.
The third camera is now malfunctioning and this is their response: ‘You have replaced the camera too many times’.
Really? WTF!
It’s not as if I get my jollies by replacing the camera every few weeks. Their product sucks but oh, well, my loss; ‘Have a happy day’. That’s how their email was signed.
And this is what I’m left with.
I know there’s a bird in this photo. I just know it.
Sigh.
My advice, run from Netvue Birdfy products. Or you’ll suffer the black screen of death.
Welcome to May. The season of Beltane, when the position on the wheel of the year marks the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice.
Beltane is a time of growth.
A time to stoke our creative fire held deep within our bellies.
A time to celebrate optimism and life.
A time to frolic like a randy squirrel.
Take time to notice what is happening in Mother Nature’s world. Listen for the sweet call of the Rose-breasted Grosbeak …
Male Rose-Breasted Grosbeak
or for the call of a Pileated Woodpecker deep within a wooded area. Remember to wear tick spray and tuck in your socks.
Look up and watch for the flash of orange as the Baltimore Orioles establish their territories.
Male Baltimore Oriole
Look down and catch the growth going on at your feet.
Spend some time by a river and watch for the herons…
… or Northern Shovelers.]
No matter what you do, make sure you join in the dance Mother Nature offers as the wheel of the year spins.
Many people think of a phoenix that’s rising from the ashes as a grown bird ablaze in all its glory.
jrvchamber.com
Nope! That’s not how it works.
It is true the phoenix is a powerful metaphor for overcoming challenges and emerging stronger on the other side. However, one must remember what form the phoenix takes upon its rebirth. The adult is not rising from the flames; it’s burning until it becomes a pile of ashes, from which it will emerge fresh and new…….and vulnerable.
deviantart.com
You have to admit that tattoos of baby birds wouldn’t be as powerful.
Why the chitchat about the mythical phoenix you might ask?
Well, five years ago I burst into flames and was reduced to a pile of ashes– a wobbly, incontinent, stuttering, constantly falling, cognitively-impaired pile of ashes that was one unsteady step away from a wheelchair.
Enter Doctor Mark Johnson of UMass Medical Center in Worcester, Massachusetts. He didn’t dismiss me as a neurotic old woman who needed to see a psychiatrist. (Yes, I’m talking about you Doctor Eugenia Blank and the eleven other doctors I saw who should have been able to diagnosis hydrocephalus since they were so-called ‘experts’. Sheesh.) Dr. Johnson diagnosed Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus and ordered surgery.
On April 10, 2024, Dr. Johnson installed an atrioventricular shunt in my head and, as they say, the rest is history. No more stuttering, no more wobbling or unsteady gait, no more cognitive impairment, no more peeing my pants (except when I sneeze but that’s a topic for another day).
April 10, 2024. The day I got my wings.
I won’t say I emerged from the ashes ready to take flight. It took some time to develop my wings but today, one year later, I’m soaring like the chimney swift I hope to be.
Chimney Swift (I’m coming back as one, you wait and see.)
So that’s my tale. One of determination in that I refused to believe ‘it’s all in your mind’; one of protection in that my son, sister, and friends were with me during those years of fighting the medical establishment’s perception of older women and their health; and one of bliss, as I fly to great heights.
The Ruby-throated hummingbirds are on their way back to their breeding ground here in the North. Get your nectar feeders ready and plant those zinnia seeds to welcome these jewels of the Avian world back into your yard.
Why zinnia seeds? Well, just look at the photo. Hummingbirds love zinnias.
But sugar water works too — sans the food coloring. No, no, no red coloring. Keep the nectar clear and pure. Just four parts boiled water (boiling the water helps to sterilize the water, helping to keep the nectar fresh longer) and one cup granulated sugar. Dissolve, cool, and fill.
No need to buy bottled nectar either. Save your money for an ant moat.
Don’t fill the feeder all the way unless you have hordes of hummers. The nectar is only good for one to two weeks, depending how hot the outside temperature is. I recommend having extra feeders on hand so you can take down one and while it’s being cleaned you have another feeder to put out. Easy, cheesy.
concordriverlady.com 