This story comes to you straight from the shore of the Concord River in Billerica, MA. There are no pictures since the author of the story (that would be me) was trapped under her porch and the cameras were in the house. It all started on a pleasant summer day… (insert dreamy music to convey a passing of time).
Upon walking down my back porch steps with the eagerness of a woman who’s been cooped up in her house since it’s been damn hot outside, I spied a yellow jacket. He (or she – does it matter?) sat on the step and I stomped my little foot and squashed her/him. Low and behold, what did my little eyes spy? Hundreds of yellow jackets flying out from under the porch. Thousands! Millions! The size of grenades! (By the way, yellow jackets aren’t bees.)
Knowing that my wasp spray was in the basement I made a bee-line (haha) down the steps and into the newly screened-in enclosure under the deck and into the basement. Armed with two cans of aerosol bullets, I eased to the opposite area under the deck and spied the nest. It was attached to the back of the top step’s riser and it was huge! Gargantuan! Humongous! Yellow jackets were flying hither and tither, angry as buzzards on a hot day in the desert. (I’m not sure what that means but it felt good to type it.)
Safely protected behind my newly installed screen, I sprayed my ass off. Emptied one container then hit them with the other. They were dropping like flies, which they weren’t, but if they had been… well you get the idea.
More charged out of the nest, which, by the way, was huge. (Did I mention that already?) Seeing that I wasn’t making a dent in the numbers, I hooked the hose’s nozzle to my jet spray and let them have it. Pieces of the nest flew every which way, releasing more yellow jackets. And revealing a gazillion eggs! (Remember, the nest was huge!) Oh no, not on my watch! I got the last two cans of nest spray and emptied one of them onto the eggs. Millions of eggs! I would have been in awe if I hadn’t been trying to kill them.
Next, I emptied the last can, Ortho’s foam spray, on the exposed eggs. Coated those puppies like whipped cream on ice cream. (I really need ice cream.)
That was three hours ago and a few stragglers are still hovering around the nest, determined to retake their territory and save their eggs. Ha, little do they know that come tomorrow, after my field trip to The Home Depot, I’ll be back! (Yes, just like Arnold.)
I came through that battle unscathed but as I was disposing of the empty cans I stepped on a ground nest. After inspecting my side lawn, I counted five nests! I haven’t won the war yet, but I’m determined to go down fighting. Blessed be. :}
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OMG… so glad you were not hurt. And you were so brave. (or at least so ticked off)
Rachel says the foam stuff is the best.And we think you need 10 cans. What is Karma going to think about what you did? Naa… It was self preservation. Bob went to the cabin by himself today. We have not been up there since the first week in May. I was afraid there might be squatters.No squatters but…He said it was a good thing he went. Rachel and I are going up in a few days and Bob said the front door was COVERED with spiders and webs. Rachel and I went to Victoria’s secret to get her a new bra.Her’s was stolen at the hospital !! And this morning we had a spiritual moment in spanish at the shrine of the 30 foot Madonna in Orient Heights. Living here all these years and I have never seen it before. Everyone there was spanish. And we were not dressed appropriately… We were both sleeveless and Rachel had shorts. Not good Catholics.Nobody kicked us out, but I think it was because nobody spoke English. Rachel is doing great. I think this incident scared the shit out of her. Hang in there.
Date: Sun, 17 Jul 2016 23:59:48 +0000 To: email@example.com
Regarding the yellow jackets. Karma doesn’t like them either. She was stung several times while visiting another single woman living in Tuscany. I’m heading out soon and I’m thinking twenty cans, and a bag of dust, and several containers of Ben and Jerry’s for fortitude.
It’s always a good thing to get a new bra. We deserve the pampering so tell Rachel ‘good move.’ I’m glad she’s home. When a soul is hurting there’s no place like home.
Have fun at the cabin. Remember spiders are a blessing, as long as they don’t crawl into your mouth while you’re sleeping. Yuck!
Blessed be :}
That was hysterical!
Sure. Easy for you to say but you weren’t there. The screaming and wails were unbearable. (I wish I could have stopped but my mouth had a mind of its own.)
How is the river? The Cape Cod Times says your are in the epicenter of the drought , but I hear heavy rain is coming. I never had trouble with wasps , but I used to have a screen tent out by the wall and wore OFF like it was perfume because of your killer mosquitoes. Missing the river as always !
Hi, we are in a deep drought. The rocks usually visible in August have been in sight since early July. I put up a screen house last year but this nest was under the deck stairs. I just found another nest starting under one of the house eves. No way are they staying unless they start kicking in for the mortgage.