This story comes to you straight from the shore of the Concord River in Billerica, MA. There are no pictures since the author of the story (that would be me) was trapped under her porch and the cameras were in the house. It all started on a pleasant summer day… (insert dreamy music to convey a passing of time).
Upon walking down my back porch steps with the eagerness of a woman who’s been cooped up in her house since it’s been damn hot outside, I spied a yellow jacket. He (or she – does it matter?) sat on the step and I stomped my little foot and squashed her/him. Low and behold, what did my little eyes spy? Hundreds of yellow jackets flying out from under the porch. Thousands! Millions! The size of grenades! (By the way, yellow jackets aren’t bees.)
Knowing that my wasp spray was in the basement I made a bee-line (haha) down the steps and into the newly screened-in enclosure under the deck and into the basement. Armed with two cans of aerosol bullets, I eased to the opposite area under the deck and spied the nest. It was attached to the back of the top step’s riser and it was huge! Gargantuan! Humongous! Yellow jackets were flying hither and tither, angry as buzzards on a hot day in the desert. (I’m not sure what that means but it felt good to type it.)
Safely protected behind my newly installed screen, I sprayed my ass off. Emptied one container then hit them with the other. They were dropping like flies, which they weren’t, but if they had been… well you get the idea.
More charged out of the nest, which, by the way, was huge. (Did I mention that already?) Seeing that I wasn’t making a dent in the numbers, I hooked the hose’s nozzle to my jet spray and let them have it. Pieces of the nest flew every which way, releasing more yellow jackets. And revealing a gazillion eggs! (Remember, the nest was huge!) Oh no, not on my watch! I got the last two cans of nest spray and emptied one of them onto the eggs. Millions of eggs! I would have been in awe if I hadn’t been trying to kill them.
Next, I emptied the last can, Ortho’s foam spray, on the exposed eggs. Coated those puppies like whipped cream on ice cream. (I really need ice cream.)
That was three hours ago and a few stragglers are still hovering around the nest, determined to retake their territory and save their eggs. Ha, little do they know that come tomorrow, after my field trip to The Home Depot, I’ll be back! (Yes, just like Arnold.)
I came through that battle unscathed but as I was disposing of the empty cans I stepped on a ground nest. After inspecting my side lawn, I counted five nests! I haven’t won the war yet, but I’m determined to go down fighting. Blessed be. :}
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